Actually, this few weeks I'm tension with my life. Very very tension but I still try to cover it. That day when I call Faril, I told him everything. I thought I would feel better, but I don't.
Sometimes I regret almost everything that happen in my life. I thought by spending time in Facebook can ease a bit of the pain but it doesn't. When I feel hurt, all the stupid memories keep coming back & it makes me sad. Tears fall down easily. Why am I being like this???
Sometimes, I thought of what have I done all this time but I can't turn back time. Being used by others, seems like my fate. Why do I feel like this? Why must I pretend that I'm ok with everything but actually I don't. I'm not fine with it. Not at all! But how do I tell them? They don't want to understand! I've given them so many hints; I don't want to tell them straight to their face. Faril said do nothing! Don't think about it! I can't!
I enjoy doing whatever I do but why must someone try to ruin my happiness & making me sad? I'm being nice to everyone. I know I do. What do I get in return? Nothing! Is it really important to get something? No! But why did it hurt when being ignored? Am I this weak??? I don't know anymore...
Money is the root of all evil. Is it? Really? I don't know. I need money but how do I get it? I tried almost everything but I don't even get anything after spending so much. They said it's a job but where's my income? I can't attend class every night. I'm tired! I want to learn on my own during my own free time. I don't like being forced. I don't like feeling forced! I'll just hate it even more. I can't continue. I don't like being called every single time, talk about the same stupid thing that I already know. It's boring! It's lame! I already know it! I don't like to be spam every single time on my ym. I lost my freedom. Where do I hide? I can't hide...
Life is stupid! Or is it me that's stupid? I hate my life. Yes, you see me smile. You see me laugh. But you never see me cry. I'm pretending as hard as I can just so others see me happy but deep inside I feel tired. I feel so the very tired... But I can't cry, can I?
My life is full of pressure or am I the one pressuring myself? But I can't stop thinking. I can't until everything is ok which will takes time. How long? I don't know... Am I losing myself again? I don't know...

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thank you! please come again! :)